And suddenly ,....

No space I get to be..

Every where I see

A never ending sea…

And still I hear your voice

& feel you are there…

People change

And so did I, too

Cant help the world

If I am too bad

Guess, I don't belong there

Cause it never mattered

To me….

Yes! it never mattered to me…

That I wasn't there

Even in your dreams….

And suddenly………

Everywhere I see

A never ending sea…

Nosp ace I get to be..

I want to sleep......

I lay awake every night
Thinking of those days
Of sweet desires
Of my innocent eyes..
was it you then Or my youth’s lie?

A beautiful Life
I dreamt of once
Not so long that
I signed me off
At your heart’s note.

Before you came along
My life seemed like
a wild wind, gushing around
with bundled emotions
engulfed tears, insane thirst
for an unknown prayer
to save me from my own
Thoughts and desires….

But little did I know
No company suites me more
But my solitude; not your lore
Expect not from another
No matter what
They will let you down
I understand the truth now
Not then, when you were around..

Was it heaven?
Those precious moments with you
Was it you?
That quest that seemed an infinite queue
Was it me?
oh tell me how could it not be true...

It scared me
Quite often then
How could I love you
So………..
That I forget to live
A moment for myself

Pickled in time
Alive in my mind
Our first kiss
How can I forget that,
My heart soared
To a thousand notes
Of countless of those
Sea’s tides

I regret now
I should have died
That very instant
At that very beautiful chime…

I know now,
No company suites me more
But my solitude; not your lore
Expect not from another
No matter what
They will let you down
I understand the truth now
Not then when you were around…

Why I am I still awake then
Oh my love?

Am I waiting for you

If I am, will you come?

AbCdEf

Confession to a crime
Committed often, which I
Skilled at that
Never got caught
Or will I?

May be………..
They need a cop
Please tell them they do,
Those who pity
That, those who I rob….

Naïve they are
“Words” that I use
Angelically fall
Letter after letter
To sate my hunger
A sadistic urge
Thirst for rhyme
I twist them around
And grin at their wry.


Innocently……
Crying & laughing
Like I ask them to
Complying to this master
pays not a penny ,I.
obedient slaves, yet!
have bore
an abuse, for ages
whoelse?
But,
My dear words

Good Old Days

How Hard is it to be happy?
A 'somebody' asked me..
Not a difficult one to ask
nevertheless, the answer indeed was!
Hence, started this quest
Mine that I wish now,
I wish I never did...

With a wry smile
(I am pretty good with thatDid I ever mention that part?well anyways ...)
I pity myself
almost like that hyserical actress,
In a drama on doordarshan
Thats all I remeber I saw!!
( besides how to breed cows & hens & educative programs)

while I am at thisI am thinking..
humor is a sublte art
I would have bored me
Thank god , I atleast got that!
(Okay back to where I left it )
Isnt it weird how I waited
so long to be a " grown up"
and now all I want to
is to " grow down"
(if there is anything as such...On a serious note,.... )

Now I guess I understand,
what people meant when they went ..
"O' Those were the days!!!
"Yes,those were the days...
Of pure joy,
Of innocence,
Of tiny fights,
Of colorful icecreams that I ate
with frnds on the school road..,
Of tinkling school bells..
Of punishments, which meant
u got to run a good two miles..

Of " games classes"
(what a luxury...can u believe we had "games" classes???)
Of those nightsI used to cry ,
seeing a ghost or so I think I did
my dad would run to my rescue
carry me on his shoulder
till I lay sleep again..

Of that day when i brazed my knee
but the tincture at the school hospital
hurt more than an infinity...

Of those weddings whenI got to wear
gorgeous frocks of silk
silly me,did not even know what was silk,
(not that I would care then)
used to mindlessly jump around anyways..
until I was tired, to move another limb
& I knew My mom was a tantrum away
ready to carry me home
safe while I was in dreams

today as I recall one after the other
" those good old days"
Yes, indeed
those were the days..

Irony is
No matter what I do,
I know for sure,
things are never going to be the same
as they were before..
Unfortunately for me,
I am no more four,
but twenty four..!!
( actually 23 I had to lie to make it rhyme :))

How hard is it to be happy?
As hard as it would be
to change things to be
back to when I was
fouteen or four...!!

quest beyond beyond!!

Walking through those paths
Of mind's lonely walls
I try to hear that voice
silenced in the rush
of life's own strange poise..

In tyranny of darkness, Im lost
I am afraid this quest should end, at my cost..
tired yet unscathed is my spirit
to seek those answers undying..
I am still trying..

Beyond life and Beyond death,
Beyond belief and Beyond faith,
Is there at all a 'beyond'?

Beyond which I can hear
that voice silenced in the rush
of life's strange poise....

Sound of Silence

Were there times
You wished
Silence spoke
The language of your mind
Of your chaotic life
Of your pounding fears
Of drying tears
Were there times
You wished
You haven’t spoken a thing
But said it all….

Miss you...(Part- I)

I miss him….
(Splutter!!)… (Splutter !!)
I remember
It rained that day
When my heart sank
As I saw him walk away

(Splutter!!.). (Splutter!!..)

Through those crowded streets
And busy traffic
People ran for cover
From the heavy downpour

(Splash…!!)

As I tried in vain
keeping track of him
& my heart sank
As I saw him walk away

(Splutter!!) (Splutter!!)

would words be enough?
To cry out loud….
Thoughts gushed
Alas !! In refrain…
(Splutter!!..) (Splutter!!..)

I wanted to fight
Life is unfair
He walked away
A promise
Unsaid, unheard
Broke away..

(Splutter !! )

I stood
Unaware of the
Drenching rain
While my heart sank
he was no more there…
(Splutter !! ) (Splutter !!)

Tommorow will be a new day
A brighter one, unlike gloomy today
He will see new places
& make new friends
It will be new life for him
While mine will sink in yesterday
that Aching silence &
That splutter of rain
I will hear forever

In those crowded streets
& busy traffic
Every time it rained
I looked for him
he will never be there again
I know it & still
I wish now I didn’t stand there
Crying for him…
I wish I told him
I miss him

Forget poems
Forget rhyme & rhythm
Hell with words
Cant get none
My head cant think
like its blocked...
Life seems stuck at
heavy rock note
so here I take
your words my freind
Fuck Fuck
& Fuck
there you go
Thats reading out loud
my mind's lines

Woman

Woman,
a faint smile?
Or hush of emotions?

Call her
A witch,…..
An angel….

Wondered how
you love her,
a rarity of such mix?

Why you swoon,
To her smile so plain?
How she can conquer you
& drive you insane?

With beauty,
With charm,
Did she walk
Right through your
Mind’s lone walls?

You made them
Stone by stone
through all those
days of Years
until one day
she decided
to come along

but still in awe you watched her win
the battle was no more battle
it was a clear win

was there a regret ever?
Wont you do it all over??

Blush of her cheeks
Taught you pink.
Her sorrow
Grieved you more,
what a pity
You poor soul..

Wont you give her
Your all, in a wink!
To lure her
to forgive,
For her smile
Which haunts you with in..,
Do you question her power?

You caught her
On canvas
You wrote
This poem
The world applauded you
& Still you sank within.

you couldn’t
but you tried
to capture
the one
that put
you ablaze..

That glimpse
The beauty with in
That smile
The thoughts behind.
& more to it

An unending quest
At her best
Woman.

duh!!??

You say I am bad
the otherwise at times
You say I need to do this
& I should refrain from certain things
You talk as if you are perfect
as if you rule my world
You see me thru this huge microscope
My zit feels like shit

Am I beautiful or am I ugly?
Am I kind or am I nasty?

Who are you to tell me
My friend /my foe??
I don’t care nothing
If you are one of them! So?
Give me a break
Rehash me not
I don’t need you
To keep this constant tab!

I Live my life
The way I want
My rules I make
And why not?

Bored vs. Broke

My list of things
“to-do” is racing
off the loop
yet I sit there..
still and calm
as though I had nothing to do
On the list of things
I had to do…

Slowly enjoying
My cup of tea
I admire aah that scenic view
that which the spring drew
Oh so with many hues
made the ordinary prune
extraordinary so very soon..

Telling myself
One shouldn’t miss
atleast those full
bloomed row of trees
more now like an old woman
Cursing those chilly winds
Mumbling those forgotten songs
I sat there.. still and calm
As though
I had it all done
in my list of things
I hadnt done.

Only Yesterday I talked to my sis
A full two hours & something at ease
And still felt I missed,
my darling sis ..
To let the moment pass
and to rest my crying heart
I sat still in my office hours
Still and calm
Nothing perturbed me as though
There was no deadline falling
& My advisor didn’t exist ever

As though I had never made a list
The list of things
Which I hadn’t done!

Now, this morning I Open
That dreaded list
Oh did u want a peek?
Bills bills and bills
Pepco, comcast, credit& debit,
now I know why I never touched
once I made the list
that list Of things I hadn’t done.

That’s because
my starving purse has
no more to give
poor grad student
That I Am! :(

Call 911

I took a break
For a few long days
Didn’t pen a word
Even for my ego’s sake

It was an Addiction
I admit to myself
Before my mirror
As I talk to myself

To restrain from
This insane trend
I read science
In present,
& history of past,
in past tense
Lovely!!
Im there again
Musing the rhythm
Of words inane

Dirty they said
Politics was
So I tried a sniff
At the murky stuff

Nothing works
To sate this urge
What do I do
Tell me you
Is this that drug
ecstasy or what?

Alone

When dreams shattered
In a single blow
In dismay I watched
Them all go

That distant storm
Felt like my own
With constant fear
Life I adorned

Mine that seemed
Those didnt last
Words failed me
Now and again
Pain numbed
I stood alone…

Somebody, Teach me paint!!

Many a times
It happened to me
That I look at life
As a clean sheet

Then I see myself
drawing thin lines,
the bolder ones as well.
there are curves, there are peaks
there are spaces
untouched with time,
even now as I see

There are colors
The reds of cheeks
The blues of tragedies
much darker hues
Were there too
I wondered how
I have no cue

Besides them,
Were few.
Those names
I never knew…

Then I pause
For a little while,
tired but,
I look at my work
confused I stare!

Sometimes it’s a beauty
Many times I pity
Nevertheless I conclude
A work of Art
O' well, My life is!!!

Many a times
It happened to me
That I look at life
that clean sheet
Does this happen to all??
Or, Is it just this insane me??

"Hope in despair."

Through strength and courage
I dream to fly
my wings broken
I am tired of another try
but the thought never dies

From misery they say
comes light
I have seen it all now
but the light..
where is god?
the justice long awaited?

Is this the truth
the darkness I know
or is this a prelude
to even more now
tell me O' god
if you are for real
why i deserved
to be here, in this cage,
this world of yours
is a sinful place

If this is where
I ought to die
then I'd rather say
life wasnt
worth this try

I know all this
And still try
my wings broken
I am tired of another try
but the dream of
freedom keeps me alive

Break away

Breakaway … Free...,
Stretch your wings
Look at those horizons far to reach
So what if you are no-one?
So what if you are standing alone?

Breakaway…. Free….
From those that bound you
from your dreams….

Let go free…
Those feelings, those fears
Let go free….
Those tiny tears,
& Nevertheless
those greeds that were dear

So what if it will hurt
To breathe?
So, what if it’s a battle
Everyday might seem?

When you brave your heart
to the toughest winds…..
You know that it is worth
An every bit…
cause when you are done
you have achieved
your gift for life
your freedom ..
yourself…

The same Ol' Question

Have you ever come across
A question ever,
Which goes like,
Do you know what
God is, that mighty power?
Whom you see not ever
Neither touch or by means anyother
That is an answer
I got never…….
However,
A bigger quest for me
I uncover,
What are “ you”??
And
What am “I”??
My brother….
That you touch
That you see
And still when you feel
There is more to me
So is more to you,
with time we discover

Truth?

Who would be
You nor me.

When time tics

Nothing is true
nothing is a lie;

No battle remains
Not even love sustains…

no body great,
conviction doesn’t await..

when death strikes
nothing remains….

Nothing true
Nothing you can do
to Undo..

When time tics
Who would be
You nor me…….

These words are all I have...

More than once I have been asked

To explain my stance…

When I write about love,

And About loss…….

SO,
Tell me my friend

Whose wisdom I share

Haven’t you looked at the endless seas

Havent you Danced to rain

after a summers heat?

havent you seen then my friend

that you loved and cried

so as you did??


Don’t you ever peep

Out of that window crape

To look at the moon

Oh so there........

While it silently lights

Your dreams at night....


Didn't the snow.......

tell you a fairy tale

Of lore, lust and loss??


Didn’t the summer rays

Touch you ever as they said

Look at me and cheer.....

Its early morning my dear


Oh poor you!

did u miss the breeze??

Didn’t it fly your hair away?

Leaving your mood crispy all day...


If your heart dances to

Gushes of wind......

And soars to the deeps

Of million seas....

When you secretly cry for

Life’s tragedies?

Wouldn’t you drop

your eys’s own

a precious pearl??

All I do is write them down

tell me my friend

What would you do?


Please tell me how

I would be what I am ?

If my heart doesn’t skip a beat

When I see a naughty glee

That running nose

and one or two teeth

Angels I claim

To this insane me

children of that

great destiny


Now I shall ask you my friend

Haven't you ever been in love?

With those I said?

How couldn’t you? if you didn’t...

How cud you not be Me, if you did??


If you did........

Atleast once,

you will see

what I meant...

by desire enliven….


If you must know my friend

That’s all I write

Forgive my innocence....

Empty

Sometimes you feel

That you stand there

And see ..........

you live in a street

that nobody lives

the city so dead

&the air so pale


Sometimes you feel

There is no place to hide

No thing to do

No one to talk

Your world is closed

And it is dark


Sometimes you feel

That you stand there

And just see.......

Nothing stops anything

You don’t belong

To what you see


Sometimes you feel

That you stand there

And see ...........

& that’s because

you feel so empty.