The touch of your glance
raged in me a passion
like fire, that pricked me
by skin and quickly spread
deep with in, as my heart
pounded with anticpation
of what might come of this
strange, yet destined meet
I quivered inside as if a
bird shelterless in storm night,
but bore brave smile,
wait!
did you know that?
did you know that?
wait!
I bore a brave smile,
but a bird shelterless in storm night,
though i quivered inside, over
our strange yet destined meet
of what might come of this
pounded with anticipation
deep with in as my heart
through skin and it quickly spread
that fire that pricked me,
raged in me a passion
at the touch of your glance!
16 comments:
nice pattern with intresting structure and a truly wonderful attempt ........pic kuda chala apt
i liked the way u asked........
did you know that?
did you know that?
oyi marchipoya neeku cheppatam.......music chala bagundhi blog lo.......come up with more indiam like a.r.rehman's,bismillah khan's...etc.....
I don't think I knew that.
nice excercise. way to challenge yourself.
i might try to reword a few phrases.
passion like fire, pounding hearts seem too familiar, too done. i would try to make your images fresher.
just a thought.
great site.
stopped by to say hi. anything new in the works?
Sravyaaa, once again a nice poem !! The picture was very apt...i liked the comparision u made "I quivered inside as if a
bird shelterless in storm night"..
The passion is very apparent here, it really rages.
I love that you've plaed with the "mirror poem" format, making it almost the same in the reverse, but not quite, adjusting words to suit your meaning better. It's a lovely take on the style. Very nice work!
ooo. Palindrome poem. yay!
Actually, i thought it was nicely written, except a few of the ending lines seem a little awkward grammatically in terms of flow. other than that, i thought it was excellent.
Hey, you wrote a mirrored poem! Good for you.
They're fun, aren't they?
One typo- with in should be within.
Have a great week!
dear S.Thomas,
u are very right when u said the words seem too done, i myself found them to be too often used, i will from now try not follow a pattern/ words which have by now become over used :)
I am gaining a lot from ur pointers, do kindly keep visiting my blog and yeah i do have anew poem now.
Thank you soumi, yeah to find apic was really hard for this poem, i am glad it paye doff, though i cant claim for the creatoive genious who has photo edited this snap, yeah this is a photoshopped snap, not a real one :), and about the line u liked, in more than one instanc eif ound my self use this , personally though!!
Thank you Jo, I hope it does express well, though as S.thomas rightly pointed that the expression seems too cliched
Thank you Tee,
when i read Cristina's three doors, I fell in love with the structuring , I am glad u liked my version :)
Yea absolutely enjoyed writing this bit, Ileard so much from your blog, do keep up the good work cristina, so i can keep mine :)
thanks for pointing out the spell O
is this a photoshopped snap? looks like a real one......must surely appreciate this fine work..............!!!!!!!!!!!
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